Winter getting old already? When I get sick of winter I always hear about my friends going to exotic locations that I can’t go to, because I would fry in about 10 seconds upon departure from the plane. However, I can in fact dream about said locations and make this small, snowy corner of the earth a bit more habitable.

First step, turn up the heater! How are you going to feel like you’re in a tropical location if you’re keeping your heating bill down by setting the thermostat to 55 degrees? Besides, your wife will kill you if you cheap out that much. So, put it up to a luxurious 85 and make yourself a cocktail!

Next, go downstairs to the basement, (so any holiday guests don’t think you’re quite as crazy as you really are) and drag out the porch furniture. It’s already down there, so that will be easy. Putting up the umbrella on your deck table may be more difficult due to low ceiling height, but don’t let that stop you! Jam it between the floor joists and open it just enough to pretend it’s open.

Third, put out the folding chairs and throw some fake grass and paper lanterns up around your 10 square feet of happiness. Get a second cocktail in a tiki mug (I seriously love these things!), because by then you should be finished with the first one you were drinking, from trying to dream up this tropical mess, and voila! You can now fully enjoy the fruits of your labor, by lounging around in your own tropical paradise. Just don’t let the dog get into your drink.

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