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Beer Astrology: Entertaining for About 30 Seconds

Friday, March 19th, 2010 by Liz Chatterton

One night while out at a bar on "business" a few KegWorkers (myself included) came up with the idea of writing "beeroscopes" and including them in our email newsletters. Come to find out, the Canadian Beer Drinkers Alliance was one step ahead of us.

If you visit their site they’ll provide you with your Astrologicale Guide to the Signs of the Zodiac (clever, huh?)

Today, I came across "Beer by Zodiac Sign" on AOL Horoscopes. They claim that there is a beer "most likely to satisfy the inner workings of your astrological sign."

I’m a Taurus and according to this guide, Guinness is my most satisfying beer. While I do enjoy a Guinness now, I’m truthfully more of an IPA girl. I think that much like traditional horoscopes, beeroscopes are meant for entertainment.

Personally, I think I’m going to continue choosing my beers based on taste, reputation, Beer Advocate ratings and clever packaging. If the astrologers decide to stick to predictions related to my love life and financial future, that’s really ok with me.

What do you think of your Beeroscope?

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
As the first Fire sign of the zodiac, it’s no wonder you like things hot and exciting. You are drawn to a beer that’s packed with power and flavor, a brew that is just as passionate as you are. Killian’s Irish Red uses malted barley that is roasted at higher-than-average temperatures to achieve its unique taste. The amber-red hue of this beer also appeals to your love of all things colored crimson.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You are a true sensualist, Taurus, and love anything that is creamy, rich and full of flavor. As a traditionalist, you don’t like to experiment too much, so the perfect beer for you is one that has plenty of flavor, but doesn’t veer too much off the beaten path. A nice, dark Guinness Stout provides you with just the type of satisfaction you need.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Gemini, you love to be on the move, gathering as much news and information as you can. So your light, airy nature appreciates a beer that is easy to swallow, without too much complexity. You don’t like to think too hard about which beer to choose, so the easygoing flavor of a Corona with a slice of lime is perfect for you.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Your nurturing and caring nature make you seek out flavors that are familiar and comforting. Not one for surprises, you like a beer that you can depend on. The creamy and delicately balanced Newcastle Brown Ale has a long history and a solid reputation for flavor that appeals to you.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Leo, your love of luxury and excess make you more of a champagne type than a beer drinker. That’s why the light and refined flavor of Chimay is the perfect brew for you. Like champagne, this beer has a fizzy lightness that you love. This exclusive beer appeals to your connoisseur nature, while the golden hue attracts your Sun-loving side.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Practical and efficient, you like to get right to the point, Virgo. The ideal beer for you is one that has a clean and refreshing flavor, light but also complex. An ale like Anchor Summer, by Anchor Steam, reminds you not only of the season in which you were born, but the crisp flavor also appeals to your delicate palate.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Charming and diplomatic, you, Libra, have the ability to put almost anyone at ease. While you tend prefer wine over beer, you are able to appreciate the right brew if it has the type of refinement that you’re drawn to. Smithwick’s Draught has just the delicacy and lightness of flavor that you love, and this smooth-tasting brew has a beautiful ruby hue that will appeal to the artist in you.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Your magnetic personality and intense nature seeks flavors that have many layers of complexity. You don’t go for the ordinary, but seek out beers that will leave you wanting more. You Scorpions prefer dark beers to light, and look for a brew that has strength and power. Old Peculiar has a ruby hue and a magnetic flavor – the perfect beer for you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Always on the move, your adventurous nature keeps you searching for new and unexplored terrain. Never boring, you’re drawn to a beer that is bold and full of flavor. The perfectly balanced fresh citrus flavors of Pliny the Younger are both surprising and satisfying. You will appreciate the exquisite nature of this fine beer.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Capricorn, you appreciate tradition like no other sign. Though some might think of you as serious and reserved, you also have a deeply complex nature that only those who really get to know you can fully appreciate. You are drawn to beers that are conservative, but rich in flavor. A Samuel Smith Indian Pale Ale is a beer that will please your palate.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Weird, wacky and full of surprises, Aquarius likes a beer that is out of the box and unique. Not content with run-of-the-mill varieties, you seek out flavors that come together in unexpected ways. The Humming Ale is made from a rare and unusual variety of hops that creates a beer that is one of a kind, fitting for a rebel like you!

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Gentle Pisces, your sensitive and poetic imagination encourages you to seek out a beer that has a slightly sweet flavor and an easy finish. You prefer light beers with a fruity signature. Paradise Ale has a flowery influence that is perfect for your artistic self. This beer mixes both new and traditional influences to create a taste that was made for you.

TAGS [ BEER ASTROLOGY | BEEROSCOPE | BEER HOROSCOPE ]

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3 Responses to “Beer Astrology: Entertaining for About 30 Seconds”

  1. Jeremy Harrison Says:

    This is awesome. A beer horoscope to satisfy my daily astrolgy and beer needs… love it! Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

  2. Jim Says:

    Killian’s Irish Red – I am an Aries and just cant stomach this beer. Give me a good IPA anyday!

  3. Hannah Says:

    Jim – I’m an Aries too. While I don’t hate malty Irish reds (actually love malt AND hops!), I don’t love Killian’s – it’s usually a beer to drink when the rest of the selection stinks.

    Definitely didn’t agree much with any of this either.

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