I don’t know exactly how to start this, so I’m just going to go with this: Flasks! Am I right?
Yes. I sure as shit am.
I mean, carrying a flask makes a pretty bold personal statement, but not one with any automatically ill-reputed intent. To carry a flask is to forge a connection with history, a bond with the well-accessorized men and women who have come before us. A flask, when appropriately unleashed, symbolizes nothing so much as a keen appreciation for the idea of practical forethought with a flair for the dramatic.
I hear you. You’re saying, "Collin, you handsome slab of man-beef, you’ve done it again! You are well-known as the ultimate arbiter of coolness. I can’t wait to get my flask on like Johnny Flaskerton from Omaha, Nebflaska. But I have to ask…can you give me some guidelines about what constitutes an ‘appropriate unleashing’ of my flaskity flizzle?"
First off, you talk weird. Secondly, you make some pretty solid points, so I’ve got your back, my man. Here’s a brief list of mobile drinking etiquette tips that will steer you towards a successful evening of flask-friendly fun!
1. Saturday Night is Not Monday Morning
Slipping a flask into your back pocket for a weekend night of rabble rousing shenanigans is a different sort of bold personal statement then discretely tucking one into your suit coat’s inner pocket. Let’s just say that one of those says, "Party!" and the other says "It’s possible that I drink too much." Essentially, you have to remember that there’s work, there’s play, and there’s other stuff. Just because a flask gives you the potential for a discrete midday nip doesn’t mean you always have to capitalize on that potential. Be smart and be healthy.
2. Sharing is Caring
Obviously, a hallmark of a well-designed flask is its effortless portability. Of course, by necessity this limits the amount of booze you can carry and makes it an even more precious commodity. But there’s more than enough to share a communal sip with a good friend or two and establish a sense of solidarity that’s certain to ensure a better evening. A special moment with a select few in a crowd of many is always a recipe for a memorable conversation.
3. Know Your Choices
Not all flasks are created equal. Elegant, understated stainless steel is not intended for the same kind of event as foldable, pliable plastic. You wouldn’t wear wingtips to the beach would you? A smart man has a variety of flask choices at his disposal to ensure that he’s always got the right tool for the job at hand (especially if that job is sneaking booze into a stadium!). Don’t you want to be smart? Me sure do!
4. Subtlety Takes the Day
It’s not a bad thing if people see you drinking from your flask. Just be cool about it. Have a sip, spike your drink, or pass it off to a like-minded companion, but do those things with some sense of collected calm and nonchalance. Conspicuous flask usage can usually be attributed to one of two things: being too drunk or being an absolute caricature of affected pretentiousness. Neither of those is really all that good, but honestly, I’d rather be a drunk.
Well there you have it Johnny Flaskerton. If you keep these thoughts in the back of your head, you’re certain to be a welcome guest at parties and gatherings everywhere. So get out there, have fun, and be safe!