Drinking Four Loko – All in the Name of Research

I nervously crack open the can and take a whiff. It smells like the floors of a dive bar in a college town on a Sunday morning, doused in candy syrup. Ugh. I can’t believe I’m about to do this.

To my (delighted?) surprise, it tastes better than it smells… NOT that it tastes good to me AT ALL, but I expected a far worse taste from its stench (notice I did not use the word "aroma"). As my friend Erica put it, it tastes like cheap beer, vodka and blue raspberry sno cone syrup. Her description is apt. It is far too sweet a beverage for me, for sure.

Four Loko Not even halfway through the can and I’m beginning to feel silly. I can hold my liquor, but this stuff is seriously in a class of its own. And when I say class, I don’t mean the kind that’s preceded by "high-" alright? I figure that’s assumed. But yah – the caffeine and energy blend, coupled with the 12% ABV and enough sugar to turn me diabetic definitely affects differently than my standard craft beer or bourbon choice.

Look – I’m not even finishing the can because in all honesty, I’m not what you’d call a "binge drinker" (and that’s really what this is for) but from what I’ve experienced drinking even just this amount, this beverage is trouble. I don’t think it needs to be banned, per se, but younger drinkers could (and do) get into trouble with this bad bear. It’s far too cheap and accessible, with far too high an alcohol content coupled with too much caffeine and other energy-inducing components.

In short, it’s good for those who want to get wasted, but that’s about it. I’m dumping the rest out now. I’ve had about all I’d ever want of this.

A note to the younguns – if you haven’t yet developed a palate for classic cocktails or good beer, and you’re drinking this crap, please exercise caution. Please.


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