This morning was going really well for me, until I got to the office and read a very unfriendly cease and desist letter from the baby centric folks at Gerber.
They unkindly informed us that “Onesie” is not a wildly popular style of generic baby attire but rather an officially trademarked brand name, owned by Gerber. Who knew?
With some help from their legal team, they sternly informed us that our product formerly known as the “My Daddy Is An Arrogant Bastard Onesie” was seriously infringing on their rights and diluting the good name Gerber has made for themselves over the past 24 years.
A quick Google search revealed that we’re not the only ones who have so rudely (and unknowingly) utilized Gerber’s intellectual property. Apparently a lot of Etsy shops have been rocked by “onesiegate” (I didn’t make that up – just read about it) and Gerber isn’t going to stop until every not-onesie on the internet has been renamed.
We’re not looking to cause any trouble and lawyer fees aren’t our thing so we decided to comply with their request and change the name of our product.
I was the lucky soul tasked with coming up with a new name. A lot of places refer to the garments as “infant creepers” but as my friend Don noted, that sounds like more laidback moniker for child predators.
After much deliberation, we ended up going with “My Daddy Is An Arrogant Bastard Snap-Crotch Infant Undershirt“. It’s a little long but we thought the hyphenated word “snap-crotch” was too much fun to pass up.
We do have a few more ideas, in case our friends over at Stone Brewing need some help when they’re caught off guard by the same kind of nonsense (which they will be.)
Here they are, in all of their legally compliant glory:
- Baby’s First Beer Shirt
- Not-a-Onesie One-Piece
- Easy Access In Case of Poop Infant Jumpsuit
- Extra-Masculine Baby Leotard
- One-Piece Over-the-Diaper Infant Underwear
- Infant 1Z
- Infant Twosie (my friend Carl suggested that one, based on what babies do in those things)
So, now you know that our Arrogant Bastard babywear is not in fact a Gerber onesie AND we all had a good laugh over the whole thing. Thanks Gerber.
[techtags:GERBER, ONESIE, ONESIEGATE, ARROGANT BASTARD, CEEASE AND DESIST]