Meet Your New Best Friend: Benny’s Bloody Mary Beef Straws

It’s Sunday. You were out late the night before. I mean, real late. Like, you had the taxi stop off at Burger King for a Croissan’Wich before you hit your pillow. Luckily, you had a few adult sodas so you were able to sleep right through the incessant chirping of the birds and the blinding rays of sun sneaking through your shades. But eventually, by early afternoon, your morning comes. And it is not fun.

It’s the headache, the roiling nausea, the general “Why did I think it was a good idea to slurp that spilled beer off the floor?” malaise. You, my friend, are hungover. Better break out the toolkit.

Aspirin? Check. Enough water to fill Louie Anderson’s bathtub? Check. A brunch date with like-minded friends who are battling the same affliction? Check. A delicious beef straw that helps transform even a subpar Bloody Mary into a taste miracle? Che…Wait, what? A beef straw? That sounds friggin’ awesome. In fact, too awesome to be real.

Oh, it’s real. And it’s spectacular! Meet one of our newest (and perhaps my favorite ever) products: Benny’s Bloody Mary Beef Straws.


Benny's Bloody Mary Beef Straws

Benny’s Bloody Mary Beef Straws

Look, it’s not a complicated idea. It’s a straw made out of beef. I can try to paint a prettier picture by mentioning that we aren’t talking about Slim Jims here. The first ingredient is genuine, USDA-approved beef. I could tell you that each stick is only 60 calories (and only 1 gram of net carbs) so they won’t mess up your waistline. I might even let you know that for a mere $7.89 you get five beef sticks, which is some great bang for your buck.

But why bother with any of that? Here’s what you really need to know: it’s a beef straw. Stick it in your Bloody Mary, slurp up all the deliciousness, and then gobble it down like a caveman. You’ll have that hangover kicked in no time flat!


Beef Straw in action

Now THAT’S a Bloody Mary!


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