The Avengers Go To a Party

Marvel's The AvengersImage credit: PDC

Have you guys heard of this movie, “Marvel’s The Avengers”? I guess it’s about some superheroes or something like that. Seems like a few people might be kind of into it. Personally, I would never spend two months making an authentic Thor costume (with a few tweaks to accommodate for having the strength of a person whose main exercise is eating french fries). And I definitely wouldn’t tell people at parties that “my body is from Buffalo, but my heart is from Asgard!” and then shout “By Odin’s beard!” as I drop a smoke bomb, throw a ball peen hammer at the wall, and smoothly disappear into the dark night that is in need of my might and wisdom. Yeah, none of that sounds like me. But it got me to thinking, if the Avengers came to a party, what would they drink? The Incredible Hulk – Absinthe Everyone’s favorite “big green rage monster” is really a softie at heart. The good Dr. Bruce Banner, the man in the core of the beast, is a gentle creature of the mind that would appreciate the ethereal delights and fascinating historical lineage of a traditional preparation of absinthe. Also, “Hulk drink green. Yummy in Hulk’s tummy.” Black Widow – White Russian She’ll sweet talk you to death. You don’t even realize you’re under attack and then all of a sudden…Boom! You’re stumbling around like David Hasselhoff at a Wendy’s. The pretty ones are always dangerous. Thor – Mead “A hearty Norse demigod trifles not with the weak spirits of this mortal realm! Aye! Bring me the fermented honey of my forefathers and watch the Mighty Thor quench his undying thirst for glorious adventure! And I’ve got next on the mead pong table you guys.” Iron Man – Manhattan Tony Stark is a technological mastermind that brings the marvels of our distant future crashing headlong into our very real (kind of) present. But when it’s time for a drink, he’s a man who appreciates the subtle nuances of a perfectly made cocktail classic. Plus, Pepper makes him drink Manhattans and Pepper Potts is Pepper hot. Hawkeye – Water Every good party team needs an ever-attentive designated driver. Plus he keeps Thor from making any regrettable, “mead goggled” mating decisions. Captain America – Exactly three cans of Budweiser He may have the fighting spirit of a whole battalion in the body of one genetically enhanced super-soldier, but something tells me he holds his liquor about as well as a paper colander and after three beers he’s calling every woman “Rosie” and asking to see her “rivets.” So next time you want to avenge a boring work week by having a whizz-bang party on a Saturday night, you know who to call…me and my kick-ass Thor costume. [techtags:The Avengers, Cocktails, Marvel]


  • Philip May 9, 2012 @ 8:44am

    /pushes up nerd glasses

    If we’re going with the continuity established by the lead-up films to The Avengers, then Cap can’t get drunk. This was highlighted in a scene with Cap drinking in a bombed-out husk of a building.

    (No the humor isn’t lost on me, but I had to bust your balls haha)

  • vel May 14, 2012 @ 2:11pm

    alas, as Philip has noted, Cap can’t get drunk. He bemoans the fact in the first movie when he can’t get a good guilty drunk on for his friend Bucky’s death. As for Stark, he’s an alcoholic so no drinks for him, though he seems to have one hell of a selection of brown liqueurs and one very nifty swoopy decanter in the Stark Tower.

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