In my head, people are always saying to me, “You have the speaking voice of a young Robert Redford and the wonderful looks to match, although to be fair, you have a more bodacious bottom. Please regale us with clever witticisms and let us bask in the glow of your razor-sharp observations about the oft-amusing trials and tribulations of living in this crazy modern world.”
In real life, people are always saying, “Dude, shut up. You have a mouth full of ham sandwich and you don’t make any sense. And your bottom is much less bodacious than a young Robert Redford’s.”
People can be so cruel. But instead of feeling deflated by their insults and apparent distaste for delicious ham, I’ve instead decided to channel my sadness into something constructive. Rather than waste my unwanted words on disinterested ears, I’ll write them out here in the comfy confines of the KegWorks Blog. So without further ado, I present to you the first installment of an ongoing series, Things To Talk About When You’re Drinking!
1. Why doesn’t Meatloaf have a real name? And why DOES he have the voice of an angel?
2. How come I can’t wear a cape? Sometimes, when I step out on the town feeling funky fresh (which is something I aim to do often), I feel like I’m missing a little something to really give me that “movie star” glow I’m searching for. I think a little emergency call to Dr. Cape would provide just the style prescription I need.
3. Would dinosaurs be confused by cars? “Vroom-vroom.” “Roar?”
5. Wouldn’t it be fun to know that you’re the person who invented a slang word? Like, imagine what it would be like to know that you’re the first person to ever call something “cool.” I bet it felt pretty smangle-dangle.
That’s it for now, but I’ll be back again soon. Stay smangle-dangle my friends.
[techtags: Drinking Conversation]