Here are some more things to talk about when you’re drinking.
We take them for granted, but when you stop to think about it, they’re everywhere, just flying around like it’s no big deal.
“Flying? Oh yeah, that’s just a thing we do because our bones are literally hollow. Hey, are you gonna eat that garbage or can I have that?”
And how do they even go about coordinating those giant group swoop-de-loop efforts? Some sort of silent, sinister bird talk I’m sure. And don’t even get me started on the idea of winter migration. If birds ever got their shit together, they could easily take us over. I, for one, welcome our avian overlords.
2. The American Whiskey Trail.
Sometimes I forget that booze is more than just magic liquid that makes me handsome and smart. Pick a liquor and it’s got a story. This is a great place to start.
Remember when he did that weird symbol thing for his name? Apparently, it was “Love Symbol #2.” What if he was your landlord?
“Um, excuse me, Prince? I’ve got your rent here. Who should I write the check to?”
“To I, Love Symbol #2. Also, please turn down your sonic listening devices after sundown, for it disturbs my lovemaking.”
And is he single-handedly keeping the ascot and jumpsuit industries in business? Hey Prince, here’s a tip: the Gap. Also, shouldn’t Ben & Jerry’s have made something called Raspberry Sorbet by now? They could strike up a partnership with Goodwill and make a killing.
It’s just about time to become intimately re-acquainted with everyone’s favorite taste of front porch perfection: the gin and tonic. Sure we all have something to say about gin: Hendrick’s, Bombay, Beefeater, but why must tonic be relegated to second-class citizen status? This year, class up your quinine. You’ll be glad you did. And so will your mooching friends.
5. The Ocean.
You know what’s huge and scary? And filled with bizarre creatures that may or may not be deadly? My belly button. But the ocean is pretty crazy too you guys.
[techtags:What to Talk About When You’re Drinking]