Who doesn’t enjoy a good Chuck Norris joke every now and again? Let’s be serious. If you answered "I don’t" as you read the previous sentence, then Chuck Norris will find you, and he will bash your face with his fist. His fist is made of iron, you know. He also has telepathic powers, and he knows you think his jokes aren’t funny.
Okay, that was my first and last pathetic attempt at my own Chuck Norris joke. I’ll leave the rest to the professionals. How about some Chuck Norris beer jokes? That sounds like delightful awesomeness.
BeerFestBoots.com complied a list of about 35, but I’ve included 12 that I deemed to be the funniest of them all.
Warning: Some will register only with the beer geeks, but most of them can be enjoyed by all.
1.) In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
2.) If you have 5 beers and Chuck Norris has 5 beers, Chuck Norris has more beer than you.
3.) Chuck Norris can boil wort in his bare hands.
4.) Sam Adams Utopias is actually just Miller High Life tapped through a Randel filled with the beard trimmings of Chuck Norris.
5.) Chuck Norris is the only person to ever beat Andre the Giant in a drinking contest. And he did it by a two case margin.
6.) Chuck Norris can eat hops, barley, yeast, and water and piss Russian Imperial Stout in a matter of minutes.
7.) When Chuck Norris says he’s buying a 6-pack for the game, he’s talking about BARRELS.
8.) Everyone loved the first batch Chuck Norris brewed. Then he killed them all with a swift roundhouse kick. All went to heaven with no regrets.
9.) Chuck Norris has no need for lauter tuns. The grains release the sugars out of fear.
10.) When Chuck Norris orders a beer, the beer pays him.
11.) Chuck Norris uses 120 minute IPA as a palate cleanser.
12.) Chuck doesn’t use a bottle opener; he just bites the top of the bottle off (then chews AND eats the glass).
I know I said I wouldn’t do it again, and I know I suck, however…I didn’t even want to write this, but Chuck Norris threatened to stifle my creativity. And he told me not to tell you that, so if you don’t see any posts from me in the next few weeks, you know why…