New Game on the Block: BasketPong!

Everyone always wants to be the Cool Guy at the party. You know the guy I’m talking about. He’s the dude who goes to the gym and acts like a showoff by doing more than 7 pushups without needing medical attention and/or a refreshing milkshake.

The one who says things like “I’m probably going to kiss up on at least 1,000 girls tonight,” and I end up kind of believing he probably will while I’m left gently weeping and drawing another face on my pillow to practice my solo smooch skills as my Best of Kenny G cassette tape plays softly in the background.

This is the guy who saddles up to the beer pong table and acts like he’s the person who invented red cups. He gives everyone a little wink, looks me right in the eye and says, “Hey Thickness. Can you even hold a ping pong ball between those plump sausages you call fingers? Who’s got next after ‘Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire’ here? I’m so good my middle name is beer pong.”

BasketPong Full Court SetBut here’s the thing, Cool Guy. First off, I have sluggish glands, so lay off the fat cracks. Second, we all know that your real middle name is Randy and that you probably weren’t potty trained until you were 11, so maybe try being nice to people for once. And finally, go ahead and hog the beer pong table because I’ve got the future of drinking game coolness in my hot little hands…I’ve got BasketPong!

A cross between beer pong and basketball, BasketPong reaches a whole new level of tailgating and party bad-assery. Set up one backboard or two, and watch every eyeball in the room gradually get sucked into the spectacle as people stop paying attention to the Cool Guy.

“What the heck is this newfangled game?” they’ll say.

“It’s BasketPong!!!” you’ll weirdly shout in response before realizing that you’re a little too sweaty and exhilarated from the ultra-fun gameplay. “Sorry for shouting and flinging sweat all over you from my arm flab. But it’s a great new game that is fun for everyone because you can make it harder or easier by rearranging the cups in different patterns.”

“Well, isn’t that democratic! Are you sure this game is called BasketPong and not SuperFunMiracleBall? I’d love to hang out with you and play a game and maybe we’ll become best friends and go on annual camping trips together. Too bad we can’t take SuperFunMiracleBall with us!”

“But we can! It’s lightweight and super-portable, so it’s a perfect game for camping, tailgates, and other activities for new best friends like ourselves.”

Uh-oh, don’t look now Cool Guy, but it looks like there’s a new sheriff in town. I better buy some lip balm for all the real-life kissing I’m going to do now. Thanks BasketPong!

[techtags:Beer Pong, Basket Pong, Drinking Games]

1 Comment

  • Ed May 1, 2012 @ 3:09pm

    What ever will they think of next?

    PongBowl anyone? 10 Red Cups. Bowl a strike. DRIIIINK!

    Whaaaat a counnnntry!

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