Here are some more things to talk about when you’re drinking.

1. Birds.
We take them for granted, but when you stop to think about it, they’re everywhere, just flying around like it’s no big deal.

"Flying? Oh yeah, that’s just a thing we do because our bones are literally hollow. Hey, are you gonna eat that garbage or can I have that?"

And how do they even go about coordinating those giant group swoop-de-loop efforts? Some sort of silent, sinister bird talk I’m sure. And don’t even get me started on the idea of winter migration. If birds ever got their shit together, they could easily take us over. I, for one, welcome our avian overlords.

2. The American Whiskey Trail.
Sometimes I forget that booze is more than just magic liquid that makes me handsome and smart. Pick a liquor and it’s got a story. This is a great place to start.

3. Prince.
Remember when he did that weird symbol thing for his name? Apparently, it was "Love Symbol #2." What if he was your landlord?

"Um, excuse me, Prince? I’ve got your rent here. Who should I write the check to?"
"To I, Love Symbol #2. Also, please turn down your sonic listening devices after sundown, for it disturbs my lovemaking."

And is he single-handedly keeping the ascot and jumpsuit industries in business? Hey Prince, here’s a tip: the Gap. Also, shouldn’t Ben & Jerry’s have made something called Raspberry Sorbet by now? They could strike up a partnership with Goodwill and make a killing.

4. Tonic.
It’s just about time to become intimately re-acquainted with everyone’s favorite taste of front porch perfection: the gin and tonic. Sure we all have something to say about gin: Hendrick’s, Bombay, Beefeater, but why must tonic be relegated to second-class citizen status? This year, class up your quinine. You’ll be glad you did. And so will your mooching friends.

5. The Ocean.
You know what’s huge and scary? And filled with bizarre creatures that may or may not be deadly? My belly button. But the ocean is pretty crazy too you guys.

TAGS [ What to Talk About When You're Drinking ]

Growlers are a beautiful thing.

Side note: If my cousins in England read that sentence they’d giggle like schoolgirls. I learned the hard way that when you’re across the pond "growler" is slang for the lower region lady part that makes a lady, a lady (or a tramp.)

Anyway, the sentiment remains. I love growlers. Look at my key ring and you’ll see that I’m in a growler club that rewards my regular fills. I was pumped when we outfitted tons of Sunoco APlus Stores with growler filling stations (it’s very convenient for me) and I’m building quite the collection of branded brewery growlers (of course my KegWorks Glass Growler is still an old favorite.)

Although those other, older growlers will always have a place in my heart (and my fridge), I’ve officially graduated to a whole new kind of growler. Today we started selling these super sleek, space-age-esque Stainless Steel Growlers and I was the first one in line. My exclusive insider knowledge may or may not have been the reason why.

Actually, it was the sample product that stole my heart. The second it landed on my desk, I knew I needed to have one. Subtle curves, a lustrous shine, and that alluring swing top were all it took. Once I released the cap and heard the resounding melodic pop, I was beyond sold.

Even better, the stainless steel won’t ever corrode, rust, or stain. It’ll also help to keep my beer cold and primed for consumption in a way that glass just can’t.

I have a stainless steel water bottle that I absolutely love and this is like a bigger, classier version. The next time I’m playing my bar league sports or taking a hike, I just might have to fill ‘er up with H2O.

It might be lame but I just got a lot more excited for the party I’m attending this weekend. My growler is sure to be the envy of all the beer geeks. Now I just have to figure out what I’m putting in it…

TAGS [ Growlers | Draft Beer | Stainless Steel Growler | Glass Growler | Beer To Go ]

How many zip codes do you think you know? Unless you’re a mailman or a disillusioned psychotic in need of a shave and a haircut, the answer is probably either, "Not many," or "You ask annoying questions and smell like Funyuns." But seriously, you probably know your own zip code, a few of the surrounding towns, maybe you’ve got a pen pal in the Pacific Northwest, or perhaps you routinely send clippings of your hair to your long-lost love in rural Missouri. So what’s that, like 7 zip codes that the average person and/or follicularly obsessed stalker knows?

Oh wait, you’ll have to excuse me for a moment. I’ve got to take this phone call…

"Hello?"

"Hey Collin! It’s your good friend and self-appointed all-around dream hunk, Luke Perry. How are you?"

"Ah, Luke! Remember that time we went out drinking and I was wearing my KegWorks hoodie while you were stuck with a plain black t-shirt?"

"How could I forget? We walked into the bar and I figured all the lady cakes would be after a piece of the Perry, but it wasn’t to be. That was the night that you taught me all the secrets of how to be cool and handsome. I bought my own KegWorks hoodie and started growing sideburns the very next day."

"Well, someday you’ll be as cool and un-Funyun scented as I am."

"No, no. You’re the ultimate man. I sure wish this was a video phone."

"Alright, that’s about enough of that. Anyhow, what’s up Coy?"

"I just wanted to remind you that although zip codes are largely forgettable and borderline annoying, there’s one that EVERYBODY knows."

"Luke, not everyone knows the zip code for your hometown, Fredericktown, Ohio."

"Ah nuts. I thought they would. I’m sorry for wasting your time."

"Not at all Luke. In fact, because I’m much smarter than you, I just thought of a zip code that everyone would know. Perhaps you’ve heard of it…Beverly Hills, 90210?"

"Oh you irreverent jokester! Of course I know that zip code! I once was on a television show that went by that very name. It was a seminal series for the fledgling Fox network in the pre-American Idol era and helped to establish its credibility as a broadcasting force that was routinely capable of challenging the previously untouchable "Big 3" of network broadcasting. We unflinchingly touched on the "real issues" of the day including date rape, gay rights, AIDS, suicide, and substance abuse. While we were never a critical masterpiece (largely because Ian Ziering and I were playing high school students even though we looked older than papyrus), we were certainly a touchstone show that is remembered fondly by a whole generation."

"You’re smarter than you look, but that’s mostly because you look like a dumber version of a mannequin. Did you know that this Thursday, May 17th 2012 is the 12th anniversary of the original series finale?"

"It is? Well, that sounds like a good reason to raise a celebratory glass doesn’t it?"

"It sure does Luke, it sure does. Let’s never talk again."

Celebrating a television show that reveled in its own pulpy popularity while still nodding at large-scale issues no other show would come near? Now THAT’S a reason to drink!

TAGS [ Reason to Drink | Beverly Hills 90210 ]

What is the essence of being human?

Is it the potential presence of a spiritual soul? Recognition of our own mortality? The ability to discern right from wrong?

An argument can probably be made for any of these things (without delving too far into theological discussions), but I’d throw my hat in the ring for a different contender altogether. To me, being human is best summed up by noted philosopher Jim Carrey: "P-A-R-T-Y? Because I gotta!"

We gather as friends and family to celebrate, to mourn, to blow off steam, to get drunk, to talk about our lives and our dreams and our problems and our kids. We toast to the glorious transgressions of our lost youth and the hard-earned wisdom that is aging’s prize. Truly, there is no shortage of reasons to have a party.

But things aren’t perfect. For too long we have allowed ourselves to be governed by the constraints of our functional anatomy. Left hand: burger, right hand: beer. We are not creatures of innumerable appendages. Our world is one of two hands and when both of those are engaged, we are lost at sea. Sure we can eat, drink, and be merry, but only if we tether ourselves to the unyielding immobility of a table.

“This is tyranny,” you cry. “Why must we sacrifice our desire to mingle if we want to eat and drink? Something must be done!”

Cry not my friends, for the future is here. Eat to your heart’s content, drink to your liver’s dismay, and do it all with one hand as free and unfettered as a bird in flight. Come to the Go Plate and you’ll never go back!

These unique plates, specially designed with a center indent to accommodate your bottle, can, or red Solo cup, make eating on the go as easy as…well, as easy as eating not on the go.

Left hand: burger AND beer, right hand: everything else in the world! Play horseshoes, text your imaginary girlfriend, perform a 10-step handshake with DJ Jazzy Jeff, challenge Grandma to a one-handed pushup contest, or just use your free hand to eat while you stand and chat with the friends and loved ones that have gathered for whatever the special occasion is. With Go Plates, you get back the extra hand that you’ve already had!

But don’t take my written word for it. Instead, watch this video and take my spoken and video recorded word for it.

Back in February I wrote a blog post titled 8 (Non-Beer Related) Reasons People Love Garrett Oliver and focused the article on how friendly, approachable, and down to earth he’s known to be.

At the time, I’d never actually interacted with Mr. Oliver myself so all eight reasons were based solely on what I’d read or heard from friends coupled with my own speculations. Last night that all changed. Last night Garrett Oliver dumped his beer on me.

I heard Brooklyn’s Brewmaster would be doing a meet and greet at McGregor’s in Rochester, which is about an hour from where I live in Buffalo. The event went from 5 until 7, so I left work promptly at 5, hit seriously bad traffic, and experienced a mild case of road rage when it occurred to me that I might not make it in time.

After a treacherous drive, I pulled into the parking lot at approximately 6:45. I was in a hurry to talk to Garrett, knowing that he’d be leaving shortly for dinner. After following him around the circular bar like an awkward puppy, he sat down on a stool that happened to be located next to another unoccupied stool. I saw that as my opportunity, and took the seat to his right. I initiated a conversation, explaining that I’d driven in from Buffalo and wanted to say hello before he took off.

In true Garrett Oliver fashion, he engaged in a smart, unpretentious discussion with me. We talked about his recent travels, his Facebook account, and this blog. Throughout our exchanges, he was talking with his hands as any good, expressive conversationalist does and we were just getting into the recent excise tax changes in NY State when he accidentally knocked over the full beer he’d just ordered. The beer was perfectly positioned to tip over into my seat, depositing an entire pint of stout in my lap.

Garrett was profusely apologetic, grabbed towels to clean up the bar, and even wiped off my legs a bit. Yep, that’s right – Garrett Oliver touched my legs. The best part was, when I kept insisting it was totally fine and I didn’t mind that he spilled an entire beer on me (which I honestly didn’t) he looked right at me and said "Tomorrow’s blog post will be titled ‘The Night Garrett Oliver Dumped His Beer On Me’" – so I couldn’t not write this post.

As for the beer, I very, very much enjoyed the Brooklyn AMA Bionda, a collaboration beer made in Italy that isn’t typically available in my part of NY. Between apologies, Garrett explained that it was crafted around the idea of giving Italian restaurants in the US an excellent Italian craft beer at a reasonable price point. A light, fruity golden beer brewed with three hop varieties, water from springs that date to Roman times, and Italian Orange Blossom honey from Sicily, it’s nothing short of delightful.

I had three goblets of the stuff and when I went to settle up at the end of the evening, the very kind bartender informed me that Garrett Oliver had paid for my entire tab.

I’ve never been so excited to be covered in sticky stout and I’m pretty sure I’ll never be so happy to be spilled on again.

On that note, I’m happy to affirm that all of the great things I said about Garrett Oliver before are absolutely true and I’m glad to have such a memorable experience. I just wish I’d taken another pictures. This crappy, blurry one is all I’ve got.

TAGS [ Garrett Oliver | Brooklyn Brewery | Brooklyn AMA Bionda ]

A friend of mine has this saying when he thinks something is really cool. He says "It doesn’t stop." Conversely, when something sucks, he says "That stops."

Portland, Oregon doesn’t stop. Aside from sitting atop 32 dormant volcanoes and being home to some of the only Theater Pubs (free movies so long as you’re drinking) in the US, they even have their own TV series, Portlandia, which gives its audience an inside look at what life in Portland is all about. What I’m getting at with all of this is that Portland is pretty sweet and as my friend would say, they just don’t stop.

On top of those other really rad random facts, Portland is also home to the world renowned pizzeria, Old Town Pizza. For close to eight years, Portland’s pizza pioneers have been delivering their pies by pedal, and not too long ago, Old Town launched a new craft brewery and announced that they’ll be delivering their beers by bike as well.

Portland has been named by "Bicycling Magazine" as one of the top ten cycling communities in the United States, and many publications have also given the city credit for its craft beer culture. So it seems beers and bikes are a pair destined to be together in the city.

Kegs and 64-ounce growlers of Pale Ale, IPA, Stout, Irish Red, Winter Ale, Porter and Pilsner will all be available on the bikes. The delivery service will only be offered to businesses within 2 miles of the breweries, so I’d assume the property values around the two locations might start to skyrocket in the very near future here.

TAGS [ Beer By Bike | Portland Beer | Beers & Bikes ]

Image credit: PDC

Have you guys heard of this movie, "Marvel’s The Avengers"? I guess it’s about some superheroes or something like that. Seems like a few people might be kind of into it.

Personally, I would never spend two months making an authentic Thor costume (with a few tweaks to accommodate for having the strength of a person whose main exercise is eating french fries). And I definitely wouldn’t tell people at parties that "my body is from Buffalo, but my heart is from Asgard!" and then shout "By Odin’s beard!" as I drop a smoke bomb, throw a ball peen hammer at the wall, and smoothly disappear into the dark night that is in need of my might and wisdom.

Yeah, none of that sounds like me. But it got me to thinking, if the Avengers came to a party, what would they drink?

The Incredible Hulk – Absinthe

Everyone’s favorite "big green rage monster" is really a softie at heart. The good Dr. Bruce Banner, the man in the core of the beast, is a gentle creature of the mind that would appreciate the ethereal delights and fascinating historical lineage of a traditional preparation of absinthe. Also, "Hulk drink green. Yummy in Hulk’s tummy."

Black Widow – White Russian

She’ll sweet talk you to death. You don’t even realize you’re under attack and then all of a sudden…Boom! You’re stumbling around like David Hasselhoff at a Wendy’s. The pretty ones are always dangerous.

Thor – Mead

"A hearty Norse demigod trifles not with the weak spirits of this mortal realm! Aye! Bring me the fermented honey of my forefathers and watch the Mighty Thor quench his undying thirst for glorious adventure! And I’ve got next on the mead pong table you guys."

Iron Man – Manhattan

Tony Stark is a technological mastermind that brings the marvels of our distant future crashing headlong into our very real (kind of) present. But when it’s time for a drink, he’s a man who appreciates the subtle nuances of a perfectly made cocktail classic. Plus, Pepper makes him drink Manhattans and Pepper Potts is Pepper hot.

Hawkeye – Water

Every good party team needs an ever-attentive designated driver. Plus he keeps Thor from making any regrettable, "mead goggled" mating decisions.

Captain America – Exactly three cans of Budweiser

He may have the fighting spirit of a whole battalion in the body of one genetically enhanced super-soldier, but something tells me he holds his liquor about as well as a paper colander and after three beers he’s calling every woman "Rosie" and asking to see her "rivets."

So next time you want to avenge a boring work week by having a whizz-bang party on a Saturday night, you know who to call…me and my kick-ass Thor costume.

TAGS [ The Avengers | Cocktails | Marvel ]